Guys. I read the news. I shouldn't have, but I did, and it's done. I played the comparing game. One story was about this little family travelling the world. "Ohhh, I want to do that!" Another story was about turmoil in other parts of the country. How can I help? Can I help? I feel helpless.
Then the stories throughout the world, both good and bad; they're endless!
I got overwhelmed. My anxiety started rising. "What am I doing with my life?! So and so is chasing their dreams, this person is doing wonderful things to change the world, this other family always just 'has it together' and I'm sitting here with gum in my hair."
What is success, really?
Some would say any success that is associated with where God wants you to be is success.
Well, okay.
So what are dreams?
Some will tell you to "wait for your dreams." God's timetable, etc.
More often than not, we attribute things to God that aren't necessarily his fault, or his doing.
Bad things happen. "Where is God?"
Good things happen. "This came from God!"
He's the bad guy, the good guy, and every guy in between in many cases.
I'm a big believer in agency. I'm a big believer in putting your big person pants on, throwing your pack on your back and stepping into the darkness. Sometimes you get lost in it. Sometimes you find light. I can tell you that when we decided to move to a smaller town, God was very quiet. I prayed about everything. I asked about everything. Is this right? Should we go here? What about our next step?
Nothing.
Silence.
There have also been times in my life where I have yelled at God for his apparent lack of caring. "Where are you!? Why won't you answer me?! Why is life so hard all the time, and why aren't you helping me do anything about it??"
Nothing.
Silence.
It's in those silent moments that I think, could it really be my choice?
Is God really waiting on me, not the other way around?
God has taught me something very, very important.
Sometimes? The world will suck you dry.
Sometimes the world will take everything you think you know, and burn it.
Sometimes?
Sometimes God won't do a darned thing.
And it's the deepest lesson we could ever learn.
We are supposed to experience this life. We are supposed to lift each other, and be good for the sake of being good. We shouldn't need to be told who we need to be, we should be for the sake of being, and love for the sake of loving. Sometimes, God lets the world go. He lets it spin, he lets your world spin, and he sits back and says, "Now, what are YOU going to DO about it?"
It's not that he doesn't care.
It is, in fact, quite the opposite.
So to the news. To those stories of other people living a dream; your dream.
To the horrors you read about, and the sorrow you feel inside.
Listen.
Maybe we shouldn't be saying "Oh, God, please do something about this."
Listen.
He might be saying the same thing to you.
