Shower Fat

This summer is what I like to refer to as "fat summer."  I didn't exercise nearly as much as I should have, nor did I really pay attention to what went into my belly, and in turn, onto my butt.  I didn't gain much weight.  In fact, it's the "only-you-will-notice-it-when-you-are-naked-looking-in-the-mirror-after-you-have-showered" fatness.  The shower feeling.  The one where you get out, and look at all the pudges, grabbing some portions of what were once finely toned muscle and thinking,
"Hmmmm.  That's. Not. Attractive."

We are our own worst critic, and I know that I am far too critical of myself, and probably far too often.  Enter life's lesson number I don't know what thousand.  "Just do the best you can."  Okay.  Well.  Shoot.  Let me put it this way.  When I used to work, I got performance evaluations all the time.  Areas within which I could excel were pointed out, and weaknesses I had in my job were addressed.  I got raises if I did better, or worked harder.  Well, my "job" is now Jack.  And my performance evaluations?  I am the one giving them, and I am the one receiving them.  Only I see how I am with the little guy every hour, of every day.  It's a fact that Jack enrolled me in the senior capstone of the Parenting BA instead of Parenting 101, but regardless of how difficult he can get, I find myself wondering why I run one direction when I need to slowly move towards a better goal.  My performance eval's of late are ranking low.  Really low.  A part of me knows that it's "just that stage," but another part of me also knows that I am not giving it my best.  Sometimes the computer, among other meaningless tasks, takes precedence. 
Basically?  I am seeing the shower fat that no one else really knows is there.

Well, here's your self-esteem.  Take it.  Love it.  Feed it.  Lately?  I haven't been feeding mine.  I haven't been feeding the most important part of myself.  My heart.  I take every day in stride, but every day I find myself wondering what I should have done better; how I could have done better.  It's true we need to give ourselves credit for the things we do accomplish.  We need to be proud of who we are, and where we are.  However.  It is also true that we need to work on those things that need some fine tuning.  That shower fat.  Those parts of ourselves that aren't the best that they can be, if for little other reason than our own laziness.  In truth?  We are doing wonderfully, and we can still be better.

It's a fantastic reality.  No matter how well we are doing, there is always room for growth; always shower fat to trim.  Some days I feel like moving to Italy, and gorging every desire I ever had in food, thus encouraging, and even increasing the fat I see in the mirror.  Sometimes it would be so much easier to give in; to let go.  But then where would I be?  Well, I can guarantee my shower flub would be quite a bit more noticeable to many besides my bathroom mirror.  No.  I am better than that.  We are better than that.  I can be, and need to be, better than I was yesterday.  Better than I was today.  Every day will bring new challenges.  Every day will bring new victories.  Every day is a new day to grow.  A new day to learn.  A new day to change for the better; to be and do more.  "Just do the best that you can."
It's true.  Just make sure it is, indeed, your best.  If it is?  Then you are doing wonderfully.
And you can still be better.

Mostly Great

Whoa.  I guess I will first apologize for my lack of writing all summer.  Sure, there are like, two entries.....  Needless to say we have been really busy this summer.  This summer?  Let me tell you, it was fantastic.  Since I was thirteen I cannot remember a summer that I played so much!  To begin, we started the summer with a move.  The move was supposed to be to Mom and Pop Cooper's, then to PA.  Well, those plans changed.  We moved to Mom and Pop's over Memorial Day weekend in May.  Living there was amazing.  It was difficult as much of our things were in storage for four months, but it was fantastic.  We lived up the road from a lake, and down a trail from the mountain.  Hello swimming, hiking, biking and lounging in nature! 

Other things this summer included trips to Moab, Arches, Blanding, Lake Powell, Bear Lake, and Capitol Reef (twice :)), and the little man's big 2 birthday.  Like I said.  Busy, awesome, summer.  Plus!  Cole didn't have to go back into "stress out" mode with the start of school.  Yay!  Now here we are, having moved again; this time to South Ogden.  All our things are back out of storage, we are "settled" to a certain degree, and we are all doing great.

Sigh.  Okay.  Not "great."  Mostly great.  Don't get me wrong.  Life?  It's not something that should be "complained" about.  We all have frustrations, and setbacks; things we feel the need to talk about, and work through.  Whether on our own, or with the help of others.  I watched Soul Surfer last night (if you haven't seen it, watch it).  It was a very good movie.  One of those "here, put your life into perspective" movies.  Lately the little one and I have been on boxing terms.  He is in one end of the ring ready to duke out his way, and I am in the other nursing bloody noses and scrapes, attempting to duke out my way.  Every day holds another relentless battle, and every night I never quite come down from the stress level felt trying to keep up with him.  It's life, yes?  Part of being a parent, and part of teaching your children whilst learning from them at the same time.

Every life experience I have ever come to have hasn't taught me what Jack has.  It never could have.  No lesson in patience is as extensive as the kind that comes from a two year old who has learned "No" and utlilizes the use of said word throughout the day.  Flipsided, no lesson in clarity can compare to that of a two year old who has discovered how to say "Love You," with these soft, sparkling, brown eyes that penetrate a piece of your soul you didn't know existed until they came into your life.  For lack of a better way to say it, Jack frustrates the hell out of me.  However, the simplicity of language could never express how much I would do for him, and how deeply I love and appreciate the little lessons in life he gives me. 

So I am.  We are, mostly great.  No day goes by without something to "discuss" or some life's lesson to find understanding in.  Every day brings immense joy, sometimes frustration and hurt, and sometimes sorrow.  Every day we learn together, and we grow together.
No, every day isn't great, but almost every day is mostly great. 
And for that?
I am grateful.