10 Year Moment

Well hello blog.  It's been awhile since you and I had a nice chat.  The last entry we posted was about Jack and the beginnings of "the potty."  He is doing great now.  The great go potty on my own little man that he is. Other updates?  They are few.  James (the literal baby-waiting-to-enter-the-world-sitting-on-every-nerve-in-the-lower-half-of-my-body-thus-making-me-walk-like-a-duck child that he is) has not made his debut yet.  Cole is ready for him.  Jack is ready for him; as am I.  Or so I think I am.  Mostly?  Yes.  Mostly.

Life is life.  I was thinking about the date today.  Yes, September 11.  Most people can pinpoint exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.  Me?  I was in my early morning geography class when my volleyball coach walked in and asked Mrs. Carper (the geography teacher), "Can I borrow your T.V.?  I want to watch the news about the towers."  Towers?  What towers?
The remainder of that day is a blur.  Every classroom had it on the radio, or on a T.V.  I was in the 9th grade.  14.  14?  How does a 14 year old comprehend stuff like that?  Now, at 25, I still don't know that I fully understand.  One thing I do know?
I did not see myself pregnant with my second child 11 years down the road.

Nope.  I was playing Jr. High volleyball with few cares in the world.  I had notions of where I wanted my life to go, and what I wanted out of it within the next, like, year?  A drivers license.  From there?  I don't remember, maybe a car?  I did think a lot about college, and what I wanted to "be."  I wanted to be a surgeon.  I wanted to help people, heck, I wanted to save people!  Medical Jess.  So yes, I made some goals.  But honestly?  I flew by the seat of my pants a lot.  Follow the wind, and your heart and end up exactly where you want to be, right?  Mostly?  Yes.  Mostly :)

I don't care who you are.  Everyone at some point in their life looks at the life they are living and says, "and I got here, how?"  We might ask it in general as a point of direction in wandering thoughts.  Or?  We might ask it in anger, or frustration.  We may say it with a very deep sense of humility, and gratitude.  We may think it aloud or in our hearts.  Regardless of how the question arises, it eventually does.  The biggest question about the question though is where we go from there?  I got here, how?  So, now what?

Life is life, no?  For me?  I am still in those pants, flying my way about with a little hope, a little planning, and a lot of faith.  One thing I do know?  My heart has never led me astray.  10 years ago I had dreams; I had plans.  I still have dreams, but sometimes?  Well, sometimes it is good to know that my mind doesn't always take full control of my life.  Sometimes it is comforting to remember that I listened to the deepest part of my inner self, and followed it.  Because truly?  Ten years ago I could have listened only to logic, and today I would likely be at some hospital in an operating room.  Not a bad thing, mind you, but not for me.  For ten years ago me?  Perhaps.  But for today's me?  No....
Instead I get to be with the man of my dreams, a beautiful 3 year old boy that is more like me than I care to admit, and another little man to fill my soul on the way.
Yes.  The heart was right.  And?  It usually is.
Sometimes we just need a little more courage to listen to it.